


deep talks & dank memes

by hoywfiction



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Cussing, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Texting, alcoholism but not exactly, basically i miss merlin and wanted to make one of those text message fics, brief sophia/arthur, but it's a crack fic with a plot dammit, future reference to sex, mature language, more tags as need, this is a crack fic mostly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-10-28 16:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10834776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoywfiction/pseuds/hoywfiction
Summary: just some casual group chats between the merlin crew





	1. monday

**two bros chillin in the hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay**

**[ 11:16 PM ]**

_Merlin named the group two bros chillin in the hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay_

**Arthur Pendragon:** That is... most definitely not what the chat was called last time I looked at it.

 **Merlin Emrys:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Merlin.

 **Merlin Emrys:** yes

 **Arthur Pendragon:** What the hell is that from?

 **Lancelot du Lac:** It's some vine he saw. He hasn't stopped quoting it all day.

 **Arthur Pendragon:** I see.

 **Merlin Emrys:** two bros

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Stop.

 **Merlin Emrys:** chillin in the hot tub

 **Gwaine Owen:** 5 ft apart

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Fuck off, Gwaine.

 **Merlin Emrys:** cuz they're not gay

 **Gwaine Owen:** mood

 **Arthur Pendragon:**???

 **Gwaine Owen:** just accept it

 **Elyan le Blanc:** wtf is my phone blowing up for

 **Percival Pierce:** Memes

 **Elyan le Blanc:** wat

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Merlin and Gwaine are simply being idiots.

 **Leon Dufour:** That's normal isn't it?

 **Arthur Pendragon:** How long have you been here?

 **Leon Dufour:** Been reading the texts since they started I guess. Putting off my chemistry project for as long as I can.

 **Elyan le Blanc:** u don't mean the chemistry project that we r both assigned to do by tomorrow do u?

 **Leon Dufour:** Yeah that one.

 **Merlin Emrys:** twO BROS

 **Arthur Pendragon:** I am going to kill you.

 **Gwaine Owen:** chILLIN IN THE HOT TUB

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Both of you.

 **Lancelot du Lac:**....five feet apart

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Et tu, Lance?

 **Leon Defour:** Cuz they're not gay

 **Arthur Pendragon:** I'm disowning all of you as friends.

 **Merlin Emrys:** :(

 **Gwaine Owen:** :(

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Percy and Elyan can stay.

 **Merlin Emrys:** rude

 **Lancelot du Lac:** Don't be sour, Arthur.

 **Percival Pierce:** ...

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Don't you dare.

 **Merlin Emrys:** percy do it

 **Gwaine Owen:** do it do it do it

 **Elyan le Blanc:** TWO BROS

 **Arthur Pendragon:** NO!!!

 **Percival Pierce:** Chilling in the hot tub

_Arthur left the group_


	2. tuesday

**Under the Gaydar™**

**[ 9:03 AM ]**

**Lesbionage:** any of u guys checking ur phones

 **Bi Spy:** Until my teacher notices anyways

 **Pan With A Plan:** funny how you think i’d be paying attention in class

 **Lesbionage:** shut up gwaine

 **Pan With A Plan:** mean :p

 **Bi Spy:** Looks like we have everyone but merlin

 **Secret Gaygent:** i’m here

 **Secret Gaygent:** but teacher has his eye on me

 **Secret Gaygent:** idk why

 **Pan With A Plan:** probably cuz he saw you had an entire page of dicks in your notebook

 **Secret Gaygent:** that YOU drew!!

 **Lesbionage:** hah

 **Lesbionage:** classic

 **Secret Gaygent:** morgana i will fight you

 **Bi Spy:** Anyways

 **Bi Spy:** Are we still doing date night tonight

 **Secret Gaygent:** i fail to see how it’s date night for gwaine and i

 **Pan With A Plan:** yeah it’s more like morgwen date night while merlin and i check tinder

 **Lesbionage:** speaking of got any good matches???

 **Secret Gaygent:** no

 **Pan With A Plan:** like 5

 **Secret Gaygent:** …

 **Secret Gaygent:** fuck you and your pretty face

 **Pan With A Plan:** swipe right and get in line merls

 **Secret Gaygent:** i feel violated

 **Pan With A Plan:** ;)

 **Bi Spy:** And on that note

 **Bi Spy:** I’m going to return my attention to class

 **Bi Spy:** I’ll see you next period babe

 **Lesbionage:** Love you xx

 **Bi Spy:** Love you! Xxxx

 **Pan With A Plan:** gay

 **Secret Gaygent:** gayyyy

 **Lesbionage:** shut up before i tell both your crushes you’re into them

 **Secret Gaygent:** you wouldn’t dare

 **Lesbionage:** i would dare

 **Pan With A Plan:** meh

 **Lesbionage:** ???

 **Pan With A Plan:** he probably already knows

 **Lesbionage:** fair point

 **Secret Gaygent:** ttyl don’t wanna get spotted

 **Pan With A Plan:** morgana

 **Lesbionage:**?

 **Pan With A Plan:** what’s arthur’s dream date

 **Pan With A Plan:** asking for a friend

_Secret Gaygent removed Pan With A Plan from the group_


	3. tuesday

**Merlin Emrys & Arthur Pendragon**

**[ 10:38 PM ]**

**Arthur Pendragon:** So Merlin.

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Did you... have any plans of telling me Gwen was with Morgana?

 **Merlin Emrys:** nope

 **Arthur Pendragon:** WHAT? You know I have a crush on Gwen and you weren't even going to tell me she's dating my sister???

 **Merlin Emrys:** they aren't subtle. i thought you knew already.

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Well. I didn't.

 **Merlin Emrys:** that's unfortunate

 **Arthur Pendragon:** What am I supposed to do now?

 **Merlin Emrys:** you could get tinder with gwaine and i

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Oh no.

 **Merlin Emrys:** it's a lot of fun looking at a ton of pretty boys and then getting rejected by them

 **Arthur Pendragon:** HAHAHA

 **Merlin Emrys:** hey! i open up to you about my troubles and you make fun of me :( prat

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Wait...

 **Merlin Emrys:** cue the jeopardy music

 **Arthur Pendragon:** WAIT A SECOND

 **Merlin Emrys:** *the music intensifies*

 **Arthur Pendragon:** "Boys"? You're GAY????

 **Merlin Emrys:** you really are daft aren't you...

 **Arthur Pendragon:** WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

 **Merlin Emrys:** i wear nail polish and use the word yas unironically

 **Merlin Emrys:** i've told you that i think all of our friends are hot

 **Merlin Emrys:** i fucked that kid mordred from maths

 **Merlin Emrys:** how did you not know

 **Arthur Pendragon:** You did what...

 **Merlin Emrys:** wait

 **Merlin Emrys:** i did not mean to tell you that last part

 **Merlin Emrys:** rewind

 **Arthur Pendragon:** WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN??

 **Merlin Emrys:** like last year?? idk i thought he was hot and he thought i was cute it just happened

 **Arthur Pendragon:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **Merlin Emrys:** also we were drunk

 **Arthur Pendragon:** That makes more sense.

 **Arthur Pendragon:** No wait HOLD ON.

 **Arthur Pendragon:** Are any of our other friends gay that I should know about?

 **Merlin Emrys:** idk ;)

 **Arthur Pendragon:** What does that mean?

 **Merlin Emrys:** ;)))

 **Arthur Pendragon:** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN


	4. wednesday

**two bros chillin in the hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they’re not gay**

**[ 5:40 PM ]**  

**Lancelot du Lac:** Gwaine? 

**Arthur Pendragon:** He hasn’t answered any of my texts today.

**Lancelot du Lac:** Mine neither.

**Leon Dufour:** Nor mine.

**Merlin Emrys:** where the hell is he?

**Arthur Pendragon:** If we knew that, Merlin, we wouldn’t be having this conversation now would we?

**Merlin Emrys:** you know arthur sometimes i just wanna tell you to

**Merlin Emrys:** suck

**Merlin Emrys:** my

_Percival Pierce removed Merlin Emrys from the group_

**Elyan le Blanc:** welp

**Leon Dufour:** Now we’ll never know what he wanted Arthur to suck.

**Arthur Pendragon:** Leon, I swear…  

_Percival Pierce added Merlin Emrys_

**Percival Pierce:** Are you going to behave now? 

**Merlin Emrys:** yes, sorry

**Arthur Pendragon:** Percy didn’t Gwaine stay over your house last night?

**Percival Pierce:**  He left at midnight. I thought he went home. But his parents say he hasn't been home since yesterday.

**Merlin Emrys:** oh…

**Percival Pierce:** I’m very worried.

**Elyan le Blanc:** it’s okay we’ll find him

**Lancelot du Lac:** Of course we will. Don’t worry Percy.

**Percival Pierce:** …

**Percival Pierce:** I’m still worried.

 

****two bros chillin in the hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they’re not gay** **

**[ 6:27 PM ]**

**Percival Pierce:** Can someone come over please 

**Arthur Pendragon:** Are you okay?

**Percival Pierce:** No

**Arthur Pendragon:** Is it because of Gwaine?

**Percival Pierce:** Yes

**Arthur Pendragon:** I’m with Leon. We’ll be there in a few minutes.

**Lancelot du Lac:** Pick me up on the way. 

**Elyan le Blanc:** ill get merlin and we’ll be there soon too

**Merlin Emrys:** thank you

**Percival Pierce:** We have to go look for him 

**Percival Pierce:** Please

**Leon Dufour:** We will.

**Gwaine Owen:** west st

**Merlin Emrys:** GWAINE??

**Leon Dufour:** West street? What about west street?

**Leon Dufour:** Gwaine?

**Lancelot du Lac:** Borrowed my mum’s car, I’m heading there now.

**Leon Dufour:** Arthur and I are as well.

**Merlin Emrys:** keep me updated 

**Percival Pierce:** This is my fault 

**Merlin Emrys:** what?

**Merlin Emrys:** percy?

**Merlin Emrys:** percy…?


	5. thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [a/n: gwaine? doing something stupid? unheard of.]

**Merlin Emrys & Gwaine Owen**

**[2:16 AM ]**  

**Merlin Emrys:**  i hate you

**Merlin Emrys:** i actually fucking hate you

**Gwaine Owen:** no you don’t

**Merlin Emrys:** i do

**Gwaine Owen:** no you don’t merlin 

**Merlin Emrys:** okay you’re right

**Merlin Emrys:** i don’t

**Merlin Emrys:** but gwaine i’m so, so mad.

**Gwaine Owen:** i know.

**Merlin Emrys:** day drinking on a wednesday???? starting a bar fight???????

**Gwaine Owen:** that i won 

**Merlin Emrys:** don’t be a dick right now

**Gwaine Owen:** i’m sorry

**Gwaine Owen:** i really am

**Gwaine Owen:** i didn’t mean to scare you

**Merlin Emrys:** you did scare me but that’s not what i’m mad about

**Merlin Emrys:** have you ever seen someone have a panic attack?

**Gwaine Owen:** no?

**Merlin Emrys:** well neither had i until last night. thanks to you.

**Gwaine Owen:** wait what? who? was it one of the lads is everyone okay? 

**Merlin Emrys:** it was percy, gwaine

**Merlin Emrys:** he couldn't breathe and he couldn't stop crying

**Gwaine Owen:** fuck... 

**Merlin Emrys:** he kept saying it was his fault. and now he thinks you'll never talk to him again. wtf happened with you two?

**Gwaine Owen:** i want to tell you but i don't think i can right now

**Gwaine Owen:** but i promise i'll make things right with him

**Merlin Emrys:** you'd better

**Gwaine Owen:** i will

**Merlin Emrys:** okay...

**Gwaine Owen:** something wrong?

**Merlin Emrys:** just... will you tell me? someday?

**Gwaine Owen:** most likely

**Merlin Emrys:** it's just that you're one of my best friends. i want you to trust me.

**Gwaine Owen:** i do trust you. but i don't even know what happened between percy and i yet.

**Gwaine Owen:** when i figure it out you'll be first to know

**Merlin Emrys:** okay.

**Merlin Emrys:** gwaine?

**Gwaine Owen:** yeah?

**Merlin Emrys:** i'm glad you're okay

**Merlin Emrys:** and i love you i hope you know that

**Gwaine Owen:** gay 

_Merlin set the nickname for Gwaine Owen to Dumbarse #1_

**Dumbarse #1:** okay i deserved that

**Dumbarse #1:** love you too mate


	6. friday

**Elyan le Blanc**

**[ 6:46 AM ]**

_Elyan named the group Elyan le Blanc_

**Elyan le Blanc:** wtf

 **Elyan le Blanc:** the hell did u guys do

 **Elyan le Blanc:** What do you mean you guys?

 **Elyan le Blanc:** there is no you guys

 **Elyan le Blanc:** only elyan

 **Elyan le Blanc:** i hate u all

 **Elyan le Blanc:** oh and ur profile pics r the same as mine too haha so hilarious

 **Elyan le Blanc:** Sorry Elyan, Percy and Gwaine bullied me into this.

 **Elyan le Blanc:** at least i know which one of u is lance now

_Elyan set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to Lancelot_

**Lancelot:** Am I that easy to pick out of the crowd?

_Elyan set the nickname to Lancelot to Elyan le Blanc_

**Elyan le Blanc:** there is no lance

 **Elyan le Blanc:** only elyan

 **Elyan le Blanc:** STOP if i guess them right u have to leave the nickname

 **Elyan le Blanc:** uhg fine

 **Elyan le Blanc:** ...which one of u mes is lance

 **Elyan le Blanc:** That would be me.

_Elyan set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to Lance_

**Elyan le Blanc:** now to figure the rest of u out

 **Elyan le Blanc:** can i get hints

 **Elyan le Blanc:** no

 **Elyan le Blanc:** how about asking questions???

 **Elyan le Blanc:** Hmm… alright.

 **Elyan le Blanc:** ok question 1

 **Elyan le Blanc:** what would u do with 20 pounds

 **Elyan le Blanc:** drugs

_Elyan set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to Gwaine_

**Gwaine:** what how did you know????

 **Elyan le Blanc:** none of the other lads would say drugs

 **Gwaine:** guess i didn’t think that through

 **Lance:** You wouldn’t really do drugs, would you?

 **Gwaine:** of course not! who do you take me for?

 **Elyan le Blanc:** After what happened wednesday you’re going to ask us that?

 **Elyan le Blanc:** NEXT QUESTION

 **Elyan le Blanc:** merlin is

 **Elyan le Blanc:** fill in the blank

 **Elyan le Blanc:** funny

 **Elyan le Blanc:** an idiot

 **Elyan le Blanc:** an angel who has never done anything wrong in his whole life

 **Gwaine:** gay

 **Elyan le Blanc:** very small

 **Elyan le Blanc:** well now i know all of u

_Elyan set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to Leon_

_Elyan set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to Arthur_

_Elyan set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to Merlin_

_Elyan set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to Percy_

**Elyan le Blanc:** did i get them right?

 **Gwaine:** dammit

 **Merlin:** unfortunately yes

 **Arthur:** I was actually having fun with this.

 **Merlin:** “an idiot” arthur? you gave yourself away!

 **Arthur:** Oh, I’m sorry, did I? As if any of the rest of us would say “an angel who has never done anything wrong in his whole life”.

 **Lance:** He has a point, Merlin.

 **Gwaine:** hey guys

 **Merlin:** all of you take me for granted

 **Leon:** Well “an angel” was a pretty big stretch

 **Elyan le Blanc:** true merlin don’t play innocent

 **Gwaine:** guys

 **Merlin:** i have no idea what you guys are talking about i am Pure™

 **Arthur:** so i saw mordred yesterday

 **Merlin:** STOP

 **Lance:** Ohhhh my god are we going there?

 **Gwaine:** guys

 **Leon:** Mordred as in Mordred Jones?

 **Arthur:** Yeah, him.

 **Merlin:** STOP IT

 **Elyan le Blanc:** what does he have to do with anything?

 **Arthur:** He knows how “innocent” Merlin is. That’s all.

 **Merlin:** you clotpole

 **Merlin:** i’m going to punch you in the face once i get to school just watch me

 **Gwaine:** g u y s

 **Arthur:** You wouldn’t dare.

 **Lance:** I don’t know Arthur, you’ve brought up a hot topic.

 **Arthur:** How do you even know what I’m talking about?

 **Leon:** What are we talking about?

 **Percy:** EVERYONE SHUT UP

 **Merlin:** woah

 **Percy:** You were saying, Gwaine?

 **Gwaine:** oh

 **Gwaine:** thanks b

 **Gwaine:** i was just gonna point out that we can’t change our names back for 60 days now so

 **Gwaine:** we’re all stuck as elyan for 60 days

 **Arthur:** Are you kidding?

 **Elyan le Blanc:** omfg i’m dead

 **Elyan le Blanc:** congrats

 **Elyan le Blanc:** u played urselves

_Merlin set his own nickname to Elyan_

**Elyan:** there is no merlin

 **Elyan:** only elyan

 **Elyan le Blanc:** i hate u

 

[a/n: inspired by [this](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/2b/d9/37/2bd937c991ca54bad498d8dfccf5f8aa.jpg).]


	7. friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [a/n: hey. i appreciate all of you. and was wondering if there was anything you really want to happen in this story? leave me a comment if there is!]

**Under the Gaydar™**

**[ 2:16 PM ]**

**Pan With A Plan:** hey

 **Pan With A Plan:** guess what

 **Pan With A Plan:** merlin you’re gonna hate this the most

 **Secret Gaygent:** wait why

 **Bi Spy:** What is it?

 **Pan With A Plan:** gotta wait for morgs first

 **Lesbionage:** i already know u idiot he’s my brother

 **Secret Gaygent:** w h a t

 **Secret Gaygent:** should i be worried?

 **Pan With A Plan:** yes

 **Pan With A Plan:** the love of your life is being stolen

 **Secret Gaygent:** he isn’t….

 **Secret Gaygent:** wait

 **Secret Gaygent:** what do you mean stolen??????

 **Lesbionage:** he’s being dramatic

 **Bi Spy:** Of course he is

 **Lesbionage:** a new girl just gave arthur her number is all

 **Bi Spy:** That isn’t so bad

 **Secret Gaygent:** no fucking way

 **Secret Gaygent:** what’s her name? is she pretty? i hope she’s ugly.

 **Lesbionage:** woah there merlin

 **Lesbionage:** possessive much? and her name’s sophia

 **Secret Gaygent:** is she pretty i have to know

 **Pan With A Plan:** gorgeous actually

 **Pan With A Plan:** kinda looks like a princess straight from a fairytale

 **Bi Spy:** Gwaine! You aren’t helping!

 **Pan With A Plan:** oh

 **Pan With A Plan:** i meant

 **Pan With A Plan:** she’s ugly af

 **Pan With A Plan:** there’s no way that arthur would ever go after someone so hideous

 **Pan With A Plan:** damn autocorrect

 **Secret Gaygent:** i’m screwed

 **Lesbionage:** well this just means u have to tell him?

 **Secret Gaygent:** tell him??

 **Bi Spy:** Why wouldn’t you? He took to you being gay very well.

 **Secret Gaygent:** yeah but “i’m gay” and “i’ve been in love with you for years” are two very different things

 **Lesbionage:** wait woah

 **Bi Spy:** wow

 **Secret Gaygent:** what?

 **Pan With A Plan:** so he is the love of your life then

 **Lesbionage:** it’s just we’ve never heard u say ur in love with him

 **Secret Gaygent:** are you shocked? i’m in love with him. i’m in love with arthur pendragon. i’m in love with an absolute dollophead who’s gonna fall in love with some bitch named sophie because she’s a princess and he’s like a prince and that’s just how it works.

 **Secret Gaygent:** ………..

 **Secret Gaygent:** why are none of you replying

 **Lesbionage:** just in shock srry

 **Bi Spy:** That was a lot all at once

 **Secret Gaygent:** er

 **Secret Gaygent:** yeah it was

 **Secret Gaygent:** sorry

 **Pan With A Plan:** well what are you gonna do?

 **Secret Gaygent:** i… don’t know.

 **Lesbionage:** well there’s that party tonight

 **Lesbionage:** get drunk and confess your feelings?

 **Bi Spy:** Why would he do that?

 **Lesbionage:** because if arthur reacts badly we just get him blackout drunk so he forgets in the morning

 **Secret Gaygent:** i like that idea

 **Pan With A Plan:** seconded

 **Bi Spy:** Um… okay. If you think it’d work babe

 **Lesbionage:** that’s how i asked u out the first time and it went fine

 **Bi Spy:** What?

 **Lesbionage:** what?

 

 

[a/n: forgot to mention it before but their chat names are inspired by [this](http://img.ifcdn.com/images/87e71e685425387f737df52a19773701858e0eba8d21787049c0f8d53206e76c_1.jpg).]


	8. friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [a/n: sorry for disappearing on you all lika jerk. life is a... it's a time.]

**one big mental breakdown**

**[ 9:20 PM ]**

**Goldilocks:** Who's actually here besides Morgana and I? Because we can't find you.

 **Squad Bae:** My shift ran late, I'm sorry! Elyan and I are in the car and on our way there now.

 **Your Beloved Queen:** good i miss u :( xxx

 **Squad Bae:** Awee babe I miss you too xxx

 **Goldilocks:** You two are adorable, but that aside where are the rest of you

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** I just arrived, saw Lance pulling in when I showed up too

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** i'm waiting for gwaine to pick me up???

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** He still isn't there?

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** nooooo leon he's not

 **BFG:** He stopped to pick me up first, sorry

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** WHY DID THAT TAKE AN HOUR THOUGH????

 **BFG:** Gwaine wanted to look pretty

 **Goldilocks:** Anyways...

 **Goldilocks:** Morgana and I are upstairs in the lounge area.

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** I'll be there in a moment after I get a drink

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** Me too.

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** i'll be there whenever gwaine and percy stop fucking and come pick me up

 **Loreal Commercial:** i'm in your driveway. stop being a little twat and come get your arse in the car

 

**one big mental breakdown**

**[ 12:38 AM ]**

**Alien:** gys

 **Alien:** i love u guys

 **Alien:** ur like ny secind family n i love u

 **Goldilocks:** Awe Elian we love you tioo.

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:**  We love you and your drunken texts

 **Alien:** im not deubk yr drunk

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** Hmm

 **Loreal Commercial:** i'm frunk but i need to be mire drunk

 **Loreal Commercial:** simone meet me byt tge drubk table i'm getting board of eveyine else

 **Your Beloved Queen:** anybody seen merlin?

 **Goldilocks:** Me but he left when sophie came iver here

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** And I saw him talking to Mordred by the pool not long ago.

 **Goldilocks:** Wait mordred? Whyyyy mordred thogh

 **Your Beloved Queen:** is there something wrong with him talking to other friends

 **Goldilocks:** But he and morded were a thing like a sexxy thjgn why does merlain need him?

 **Goldilocks:** oh shhhite i should bot have tild u that

 **Your Beloved Queen:** well firstly

 **Your Beloved Queen:** u were literally the only one who didn't know about that already

 **Goldilocks:** aw

 **Your Beloved Queen:** secondly maybe u should go find him?

 **Goldilocks:** but i'm with sofue

 **Goldilocks:** i think i jund of like sophie

 **Your Beloved Queen:** gross

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** Oh, I found him. We're both outside.

 **Squad Bae:** Are you both alright?

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** Merlin's going to be very hungover in the mornig but yes, we're alright.

 **Goldilocks:** should i cine out there too?

 **Your Beloved Queen:** yes. and lance should come in here.

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** What?

 **Squad Bae:** Yeah Lance should come in here you're right.

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** Um... Okay? Arthur he's out here sitting against my car.

 **Alien:** gys whered percy

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** I feel like he should be relatively easy to pick out of the crowd

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** morgana i cant do it mm sory

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** im going hime i cant do it im surry

 **Your Beloved Queen:** wait no don't go anywhere

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** You're definitely too pissed to go anywhere alone, mate.

 **The Tale of Desperaux:** i cant be her im sorry i have ti leace

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** Merlin, stay there.

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** hl

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** Merlin?

 **Your Beloved Queen:** omg

 **Goldilocks:** Its ok

 **Goldilocks:** I got him

 **Alien:** is he ikay?

 **Goldilocks:** He passed iut almost rigt when i shows up

 **Squad Bae:** Just hold him. I'll come meet you there so we can get him home.

 **Your Beloved Queen:** gwen's gonna take you both to our house, gaius would be so upset to see him like this

 **Goldilocks:** good idea

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** At least he isn't just by himself in the lot.

 **Goldilocks:** gwen hurry

 **Your Beloved Queen:** are you okay?

 **Goldilocks:** yeaa

 **Goldilocks:** he's just shivering and i don have a coat to give hm

 **Alien:** u love him

 **Goldilocks:** lol yeah? Of course i do

 **Goldilocks:** hes my bes friend

 **Your Beloved Queen:** yeah... we know


	9. saturday

**Elyan le Blanc & Dumbarse #1**

**[ 9:36 AM ]**

**Dumbarse #1:** i had to search through all the elyans to find this conversation

_Dumbarse #1 set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to Hangover 9000_

**Hangover 9000:** that's accurate

 **Dumbarse #1:** arthur said you were at the toilet all morning, still there?

 **Hangover 9000:** no, past that part of it. now i'm at the lying in bed with a massive headache part.

 **Dumbarse #1:** sucks. still at arthur's?

 **Hangover 9000:** yeah. he ran out to get coffee.

 **Hangover 9000:** ~~~~wtf happened last night anyway? i don't remember much.

 **Dumbarse #1:** i don't know, just got home myself

 **Hangover 9000:** oh? where'd you end up?

 **Dumbarse #1:** some corner of the party house

 **Dumbarse #1:** gtg mate talk to you later. good luck with your coffee.

 **Hangover 9000: ~~~~** ~~~~oh. yeah thanks, ttyl.

 

**one big mental breakdown**

**[ 11:03 AM ]**

**Squad Bae:** Good morning !!

 **Your Beloved Queen:** good morning  <3

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** Morning.

 **Squad Bae:** How is everyone?

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** Primarily Elyan, Gwaine, Merlin and Arthur I assume.

 **Squad Bae:** Yes primarily them.

 **Your Beloved Queen:** arthur and merlin are fine, i can hear them playing video games down the hall

 **Squad Bae:**  And elyan is still asleep.

 **BFG:** Good morning.

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** There you are, we were worried about you

 **BFG:** I'm glad everyone is alright

 **Squad Bae:** We think. Has anyone heard from gwaine since last night?

 **BFG:**  He slept here

 **BFG:** He's in my kitchen making himself mac and cheese

 **Bootylot du Thicc:**  Of course he is.

 **Your Beloved Queen:** i'm glad you got him out of the party, i was afraid he'd pass out there like last time

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** WAIT A SECOND

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** Rip the chat's calm atmosphere

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** BACK TF UP

 **Goldilocks:** Did you seriously demand we pause our game just so you could go to the bathroom and check the group chat?

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** SHUT UP DOLLOPHEAD THIS IS IMPORTANT

 **Squad Bae:** What is?

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** WHERE IS GWAINE

 **BFG:** Coming back upstairs now it sounds like

 **BFG:** Why?

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN THERE

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** Since last night Percy said.

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** THEN WHY

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** THE HELL

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** DID HE TELL ME HE WOKE UP AT THE PARTY HOUSE

 **Your Beloved Queen:** he did???

_The Tale of Despereaux sent an image_

**Goldilocks:**  This is weird.

 **Your Beloved Queen:** somebody has some explaining to do

_Loreal Commercial left the group_

**The Tale of Despereaux:**  WHAT

 **Your Beloved Queen:** ABSOLUTELY NOT

_Your Beloved Queen added Elyan le Blanc_

_Your Beloved Queen set the nickname for Elyan le Blanc to LYING LIL BITCH_

**Your Beloved Queen:** gwaine i stg you better start talking

 **LYING LIL BITCH:** okay okay

 **LYING LIL BITCH:** so basically

_LYING LIL BITCH left the group_

**The Tale of Despereaux:** FFS _  
_

**Goldilocks:** Percy, do you know what that's about?

 **BFG:**  Well

 _BFG_ _left the group_

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** I sense a conspiracy coming.

 **The Tale of Despereaux:** they're fucking. i'm calling it now.

 **Your Beloved Queen:** i second that

 **Squad Bae:** I don't want to pry but i think you're probably right

 **Ultimate Mum Friend:** I don't know what else this would be about

 **Goldilocks:** I agree.

 **Bootylot du Thicc:** Yeah...

 

**one big mental breakdown**

**[ 11:23 AM ]**

**Goldilocks:** Hey everyone, quick question...

 **Goldilocks:** What the hell are we supposed to do now?


End file.
